you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
