Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
