my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
