There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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