I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My bed smells like the plague
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