dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
