Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My dick has a subreddit
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize