I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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