P.S. I can't hear my feet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How external is "for external use only"?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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