Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
