Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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