I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
