They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
