There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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