Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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