Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
