just tell him i said nine months
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
