I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
