so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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