If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize