So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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