Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
