I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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