i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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