I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
