Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
