FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize