I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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