Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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