Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Congratulations! We have a period
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