Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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