and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my liver is dry heaving
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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