my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
