This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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