Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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