She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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