YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
