Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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