Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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