Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
