Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
