I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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