He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
