no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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