btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
