I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
