Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
