we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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