Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
