if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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