she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
