Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got her a Nickelback box set.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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