you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
