His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
