I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
