Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
