I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
