To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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