this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
