i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
