I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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