Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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