you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
