Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.