So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
