my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
